They really were venting sessions and angry letters to God. I had a hard time speaking about my feelings, because I felt all wrong about them or that I would go to hell for thinking and feeling the way I did. So praying out loud about it wasn't happening. All I could manage to do was cry or scream into my pillow once everyone was asleep. I learned how to contain my emotions enough to avoid publicly crying. I didn't want to really TALK about anything because my memories said that TALKING about what I was thinking got me in trouble, or left people with that puzzled, tilt-head-to-the-side look.The truth is, I didn't want to live but I didn't have the courage to verbalize it. So I drew, but mainly, I wrote.
Read MoreYou see, when I was healed miraculously from Leukemia at the age of 15, I was left with the scars. The scars that reminded me of the pain, of the biopsies, of the medications, of the hovering fear that I'd die because my aunt had died from the same disease years before. Every scar told a story of unconceivable anger because I didn't understand why I'd go through this. I hadn't done anything wrong, so it felt so unfair. I feared that if I ever opened up or tried to bring hope to someone else, the cancer would return and I would be ridiculed as a result. So I did what most of us do at first, cover them up. I invested time and money on finding the perfect cover up make up so that I can mask the story, I mean, scars beneath. I didn't see the glory of it all.
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